afterthoughts

i cant help but think of the past.and i keep rewinding the events in my head. i knew there were uncertainties but i still went on and marry him inspite of the nagging feelings. i know i made  a mistake but i dont know how to correct it. we have a loveless marriage. our kids are affected by it. i am struggling as a stepmom, i know now im not a stepmom material. i couldnt cope and i couldnt and wouldnt change myself just to fit in. this isnt how what i expected. should i have taken more time to know him better and his family, i would have known its not what i want. but i allowed myself to be push to decide immediately by his emotional blackmail called ultimatum. why didnt i see that hesnot really interested and inlove with me. he didnt take time to know me better, nor my family, he thought i was one of those submissive asian who vows to their western husband. i was naive at first but ihave learned fast. and now i try not to let him manipulate and control me. everyday is a struggle.a battle. im just sick and tired of the power trip.